Glass Sipper Pillows

Wine Tasting Club

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Sparkling Water

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

The last song before the party exploded.

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Whine and cheezed party."

Beach flirting

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

Complaints Desk

A very fine vintage

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

Anton's Bar and Grill

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"'60 Minutes' is on."