Glass In Hand Entertainer Pillows

"When's the TV due back from the workshop?"

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

A rabbit giving another rabbit, 'rabbit ears'.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

A giant glass of red wine

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

Wow. You're amazing!

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

Pottery Slam

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Wine-tasting Tour.

'Hey, today the garbage, tomorrow the. . . See?! Your first promotion!'

The ocean is no place for a star.

'Your Majesty, the Pretender to the Throne is here.'

Faith Intact

The stilt walkers union on strike

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

'You need to slow down - use more color.'

Warning Wisecracks or good-natured barbs alcohol maybe hazardous to your health,

"Are you ready to rock within your means so as not to lose sight of what’s really important?"

Hospital bed shortages

"Whoa ... hints of rotting carcass, putrid skunk flesh, bear dung, and dead fish. It's fabulous!"

The Imperfect Hostess

'Okay, son...Today, I want you to play soccer at Poolbeg Street, Gloucester Street and East Lombard Street!'

'My god, I wouldn't want to be a stand-up comedian in a place like this!'

Bleurgh! - 'I don't remember eating anything that colour...' - 'Ungh!' - 'I want to die, I want to die, I want to die.' - 'Rurgh!' - 'On the plus side, this is really toning up my abdominal muscles...' -

'Here, if you don't do windows, you're through!'

Hope for the New Year

"Thursdays and Saturdays, it's glassblowing, Mondays and Wednesdays it's Morris dancing!"

Optometry. I'll take them.

'I had a wonderful evening and I'm really sorry Ed's still looking for a parking spot.'

Robert Mitchum