Gin Giggler Pillows

"Alice said the bottle had 'Drink Me' on the label but the only word I can see is Gin!"

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Not you. Your hair.

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Get on with it!

Moo! OOM!

Fancy a pint?

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

2pm meet your Creator

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

I am one with stupid.

Swinging through the jungle.

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'