Gigantic Pup Handler T-Shirts

'If you need a parachute on this walk, what about me?'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

No Soliciting

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Rex! Have you been counting the sheep again?'

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

"He did it!"

A child and his dog

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"Someday, my son, that will mean you."

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

'I think it's passed its sell-by date.'

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

Man with giant dog has a giant poop bag.

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

'What's all this pet's rights stuff addressed to you?'

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"Ok, it got weird while you were a wolf."

"As I see it, the issue with dog-walking services is that the pace is dictated by whoever is slowest..."

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

Rancher builds fence around angry bull.

'Aha...Hmmmm...tsk, tsk, tsk!'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

The Lion Tamer.

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

'Nowadays kiddo, we just need to herd the sheep, but my grandfather had to protect them from wolves!'

"Someday, when he ignores you, you'll really like him!"