Gift Return Warriors Gifts

The Day After Christmas DAy

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Returns"

"Ooh look, the high street's evolved to survive!"

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"Any chance of some credit?"

"For someone in the hospital, I'd recommend this arrangement -pleasant colors, a nice variety, and they all can be eaten for medicinal purposes."

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

The Voluntary Sector takes a beating

"The Chef's Special is to die for. If you order it, you'll need to sign a waiver."

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

'Fantastic bottle bag, Chuck! - and, oh, yeah, thanks for the bottle of whatever wine that is.'

Gamblers Anonymous: 'Betcha I recover before you do.'

Unlike other places, around here "take a load off" means "get back to work."

'I'm not sure what to do with you. You had a customer complaint this morning, then, a few minutes ago, you got a customer compliment...I guess they balance each other out.'

The art of wrapping.

Closed at 1, Open at 2, but to you...1:45.

'Excuse me!..D'you work here?'

File, Henry, before the mob arrives.

Aisling is dismayed by the Board's decision.

"I found out the three words a father hates most on Christmas morning. 'Some assembly required'."

"Does this come with a guarantee?"

"Got a book and a dumb tie from Teresa. What'd you get?"

"Christmas, birthdays...this divine guide will help you deal with idiotic gifts..."

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'

'Oh great. We got our 1040 Estimated Tax Coupons.'

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"My opinion, right or wrong."

'I think Gramma's a saint for taking you school shopping.'

Lady about 'One Date at a Time' Bumpersticker: 'He's trying to stay sober, but he's still a lady's man.'

"Stupid insurance form won't let me choose web as my primary care physician!"

"Your tests didn't come back, but your empty specimen bottle came back for recycling."

Holiday package opening set.

'I'm returning 12 drummers, 11 pipers, 10 lords, 9 ladies, 8 maids, 7 swans, 6 geese, 5 gold rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and 1 partridge. They're on your loading dock. Here's my receipt.'