Ghost-busting Guru Gifts

"I have eight spirits coming through."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Ghost School.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

Halloweek: Eating candy seven days straight.

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

Haunted museum

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Lost Property - Missing Head

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

"You put it on backward, dear."

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

"I want you kids to always follow your hopes and screams."