Getting A Job As A Waiter Pillows

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Diner.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'A cheeky red?'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'No ice.'

'Do you have any catsup?'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"