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'I got the wine taster's job, but I have to buy nose insurance and they charge by the pound.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Wine taster with mineral water

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"I'm getting a lot of burnt notes."

'The statue of David? I thought you said Mogen David.'

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

'Frank, it's water.'

Men drinking

IRS, 'Yes, but in order to deduct it, you have to be a LICENSED wine-taster.'

'But our secret ingredient is large quantities of Hilberg beer.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

"If the energy drink isn't working, try scotch."

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'A wine list? How prosaic. This is our list of lists: beer, wine, single malt scotch, water, soda, cognac...'

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

'How about I leave the last splinter in? It'll be a good reminder to not take things literally, at your next barrel tasting.'

'Notice the quintessential taste of Tuscany in this impressive little vintner we picked up on our last trip to Italy.'

Scents and Scentsibility. Jane Austen.