Germophobe Warrior Pillows

"Okay, dictation monkey, can you read back to me my Hypochondriac's Handbook rules to live by?"

'Ricky, you're buying a stock that belonged to a total stranger? How do you know where it's been?'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

"The penicillin looks good."

"Gesundheit!"

Yellow Fever: What you may catch if your painter sneezes.

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

'I know it's not around too much this season but I think I have swine flu!'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

"It's almost flu season! Stay indoors! Touch no one!"

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

Drive Thru Flu Clinic

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

"Here comes someone now. If we're lucky they haven't had their fly shot, or won't wash their hands!"

"Interesting greeting ritual."

"And from now on these staff meetings will be conducted online. You people are a breeding ground for germs."

"I couldn't afford an antivirus, so I installed a sneeze guard instead."

"Actually I feel great but I read on the coronavirus blog that that might just be a symptom."

Rubbing alcoholics anonymous.

Hazmat suit

The New Normal

Transmitting Swine Flu.

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'What seems to be the problem?'

'Those combination sink/urinals are great.'

"It's great to be back!"

"See if our visitor is wearing a mask and listen for coughing while the door knob takes their temperature!"

'Don't mind my husband, he just wants to be 65!'

'Has the font been swabbed for MRSA'

'Gesundheit.'

"This is wonderful - a completely dust-free lab. What do you study here?"