Gentrification Observer Gifts

"Bad news, Sam, we're going haute and you have to take off your cap."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

Highschool sign.

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

We Sell Chinese Stocks - Management is not responsible of you feel greedy again in an hour.

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

You Know You're Old When...

"The neighbors' place is a pig sty! Why can't we have something like that?"

Son measuring his father against the wall.

The Motherhood

"What really grinds my gears is by this time next year, I'll look exactly like you."

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

'What part of 'nature' do you not get?'

'Well she came out of nowhere! It all happened in slow motion!'

Interrupted Shower.

"Everyone's so nosy. They act like they want to be left along, but they're always nonchalantly eavesdropping on everyone else....some more nonchalantly than others."

The Joads of Silicon Valley in Kiwis of Wrath

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

'I see bloodshed at No.23,Mrs.Higgs at 34 has told her husband,Mrs.Blake at 42 is threatening to tell....'

Me, my master is a lawyer, so car rides with him are always exciting: we chase ambulances!"

"We're finally seeing growth again! The lawn in front of the building is four centimeters higher than last week!"

'Don't you hate it when your neighbor gets a new 'lectric drill?'

"The area has recently moved from being a dump to being an expensive dump."

You called me, boss? Yes. I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we've found. I want you to stop doing that. At least until I'm done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don't need any competitors driving up the prices. Very bad man. When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing.

'This looks like a really hot piece of gossip, Edna!'

"I like everything about this neighborhood except the people who can afford to live here."

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

"It was an artist's loft. Now it's a lawyers loft."

'Of course I get annoyed when people walk past and stare in the window. . . we're on the 18th floor!'