Gentlemen's Club Humor Gifts

A caveman looks at erotic paintings

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Would you like to try them out?"

"Do kids eat free?"

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Hypnotoon

Death Beggar

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

Gangsta wrap.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

Gentleman's Club Scene

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"