Gentlemanly Humor Lover Pillows

"Coordinates 135 and 350."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

How it started: How it's going

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

Safe driver.

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Giving thanks.

"Just a reminder, … I'll be billing all seven personalities together."

American Gothic lol

'Let me put it this way...don't start watching any miniseries on TV.'

The Polite Inquirer

Flo's Christmas Lights: 'I really like what you've done with yawr Christmas lights this yeaw Flo.'

"Dinner's almost ready, you better not have eaten anything on the way home!"

Great gift ideas for the older man.

"If you can't sleep, try playing some relaxing human noises."

"I feel helpless."

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'

"My comfort food upset me."

'How about giving me your phone number?. . . But I don't know your name.'

'I'm the alpha angel.'