Genetic Giggler Prints

"I think they've transplanted too many human genes into Fred."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

Moo! OOM!

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Cavemen Exhibit

Nethead strip: Speak binary

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

Black Hole Corks

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

'Henri! We found your sweatband!'

'Whoops!'

"What kind of mileage does it get?"

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."