Generous Friend Gifts

'. . . And Keith magically had to go to the bathroom right when the bill arrives. . . why do I always have to pay the lion's share?'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Priest

"I just..."

'It's cheaper than gas.'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Happy Labour Day: While you enjoy that last long weekend of summer, remember...there are some folks who aren't taking the weekend off.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"I think I can". (train)

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

Lucky Stars.

Piggy Bank Coin I.V.

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile on my medication."

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

'How much did you save this year?'

"We're going to need more pets."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'I think we may have an income problem.'

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"The company must save money. That's why we've got to be easy on the carpet."

"He's not gay, but he's often gay-adjacent."

'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'