Generous Friend Gifts

'. . . And Keith magically had to go to the bathroom right when the bill arrives. . . why do I always have to pay the lion's share?'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

"I just..."

Priest

'It's cheaper than gas.'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Happy Labour Day: While you enjoy that last long weekend of summer, remember...there are some folks who aren't taking the weekend off.

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"I think I can". (train)

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

Lucky Stars.

Piggy Bank Coin I.V.

'How much did you save this year?'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

"We're going to need more pets."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile on my medication."

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"The company must save money. That's why we've got to be easy on the carpet."

"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."

'I think we may have an income problem.'

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"He's not gay, but he's often gay-adjacent."

'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'