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"His DNA analysis results came back. Turns out he's not even Irish."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Several generations live together in Cuba

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Family DNA

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

Welsh airport arrivals.

Ten Commandments

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'He's got your nose.'

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

"You get your hair from your father's side..."

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'This reminds me...what generation iPhone are you?'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

"Yeah, my great-grandpa was shell-shocked in World War One too..."

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

How Moms explain.

Mahmoud Abbas

'I've turned into my mother.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.

'He looks a bit like both of you.'

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"