Gene Tinkerers Gifts

'Who's your Daddy?'

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

'Craig Venter is positive. Take an empty cell, fill with Euro soccer hooligan DNA, multiply and defeat the Taliban!'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Early cyborg.

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

The Not-So Smart Meter

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

Gadget geek.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Bicycle sat nav.

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Fixing the Computer.

'3-D TV Kit'