Gems Gifts

'Now when polished this may turn out to be a gem of some significance.... or it may just be a rock. What's exciting, I think, is not knowing. So what do you say baby?'

"She scares the s**t out of me, so it's gotta be really expensive."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

"Genuine? Of course it's genuine...zirconia."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Can You Spot the Differences?

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

37 years in the same position.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Holiday time.

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Historical memory is on life support.

Social distancing

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Overworked in the office

Working hours.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'Super Dog'

'These are job perks.'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

Time for More Paperwork

Mixed Doubles.