Gems Gifts

'Now when polished this may turn out to be a gem of some significance.... or it may just be a rock. What's exciting, I think, is not knowing. So what do you say baby?'

"She scares the s**t out of me, so it's gotta be really expensive."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

"Genuine? Of course it's genuine...zirconia."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Can You Spot the Differences?

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Holiday time.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

37 years in the same position.

Bowled over again!

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Historical memory is on life support.

Social distancing

Working hours.

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Overworked in the office

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'These are job perks.'

Time for More Paperwork