Gem Hunter Gifts

An oyster shows off it has a diamond instead of a pearl.

A 93% pure nugget of lunacy in its natural state.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Will you be mine?

"Whadya know, we're being audited."

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

International Monetary Conference in Paris- Silver Currency an Unsound Footing

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"I love the idea of getting married to a jeweller."

"I'm trying to find a new element."

"We'd like somewhere off the beaten track but Instagram friendly."

"I take it this is a very special occasion."

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

The family tradition lives on: I won the Long Jump and the Triple Jump events...

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

'Marie and Pierre Curie began with several tons of pitchblende...'

"...These are chicken nuggets."

'It's a high pressure job but worth it.'

'Stocks and bonds dropped...on news that 'all that glitters is not gold'.'

'This is the museum's vault of 'Mislaid Masterpieces' which we 'come across quite by chance' from time to time.'

"Do you have anywhere our friends won't have discovered?"

"Actually I'm a waiter but things are pretty slow at the moment and I'm looking for something to fill in between jobs."

'And I'm pleased to report that your gold futures are panning out.'

Yard Sale hunter finds a treasure!

Businessman with the goose that laid golden eggs

"Hey, where's the gig, man?"

'HA-HAR! GOLD, GOLD! AND IT'S MINE, ALL MINE!'

"Genuine? Of course it's genuine...zirconia."

'For you I suggest a retirement plan consisting of bonds, CDs, IRAs, and marrying rich.'

'What do you see in gold futures.'

"It's mine ... all mine! I wonder if there's enough to pay off my student loans."