Geared Up Guru Pillows

"They're padded shorts: yes, your butt looks big."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

Den Furniture

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

'Hey! It's way too early to declare me, 'Nerd of the Century'!'

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

Cartoon computer

Hose and Flower in Perfect Harmony.

The Last Jerseys.

"Oh...that's not good."

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"I was solving those same problems when I was your age."

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

'My date last night was a 10. Of course, I'm using the binary system.'

'Are you SURE we're not allowed to telecommute?'

"Maybe when they're a little older, my son can help yours with his homework."

"Excruciating boredom, my son, is the beginning of wisdom."

There's no way you could have attained Nirvana already — you don't even have hemorrhoids yet.

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

"I'm sorry, Derek, but, now that Kelsey has learned how to convert JPEGs into PDFs, we can't justify keeping you on."