Gateway Guardian T-Shirts

'Can you stop messing with that slinky and come on in.'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Deaths from Coronavirus

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

Garden Gnome fishing all the fish for pond.

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

Bumble Bee

'What will we do when the ice melts?'

A baby playing on a grand piano

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

Biodiversity

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'