Gateway Guardian Mugs

'Can you stop messing with that slinky and come on in.'

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Deaths from Coronavirus

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

Garden Gnome fishing all the fish for pond.

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Bumble Bee

'What will we do when the ice melts?'

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

Biodiversity

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'