Gastrotainment Enthusiast Gifts

Sam's Diner. What? You've never seen "House"Dressing before?

Come dine with me!

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Matryoshka/ Russian Gas Cylinders

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Join me for dinner?

'This is delicious. I'm glad I didn't try to order in Italian.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"This baby gets such horrible miles per gallon, you actually save on gas because nobody can afford to drive it!"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."