Gastronomist T-Shirts

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"I'd like the Parmesan grated, if you don't mind."

Counting ribs

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

The revenge of the mid-Atlantic oyster.

Gastropods

Come dine with me!

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

View to the Future

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Benihana style of cooking.

The Main Types of Cheese

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"This is our soft opening."

Before/After