Gastronomist T-Shirts

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"I'd like the Parmesan grated, if you don't mind."

Counting ribs

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

The revenge of the mid-Atlantic oyster.

Gastropods

Come dine with me!

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

La Table

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

View to the Future

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Menu Dating

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Before/After

Important Food Groups

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."