Garden Phantom Gifts

The Phantom Of The Garden

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

Show and Tell.

We practically live out here in the summer.

'Where are you going?'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Man watering with the 'Theory of Natural selection'.

"Ohh darling - how lovely..!!"

Bird sees coo coo bird emerge from birdhouse

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

Stop and Smell the Roses

Everything's coming up roses!

'I'll never forget the first time we met...when that gardener cut you in half with his spade.'

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

'Dan sculpted the shrubs to look like hunters to keep the deer from eating them.'

A bee and a flower are in bed.

Beware of highly intelligent but extremely savage dog.

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

Talk to your plants ??" but first, give them a chance to calm down.

"It's a bird feeder to attract birds of prey."

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

"I can't believe I threw all that away for a Cox's pippin!"

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

'My Dad gave him a parking ticket for standing on his vegetable patch!'

"Slimey, what a lovely name."

Garden Shop: Growin' and Rarin' to Grow

'Manfred went to look for the lawnmower - now I've lost him, too!'

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Skyscrapers.

With a fresh, homegrown tomato tasting this fantasic, it makes no sense that "garden variety" means "ordinary"!