Garbage Gourmet Pillows

"Don't be late - I'm making moldy meat and orange peels over coffee grinds with a side of egg shells."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Main Types of Cheese

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."