Greedy Gourmet Pillows

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

All you can eat. . . pizza.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

The Full Mountie!

'Her favourite food is seconds!'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'A table near the food, please.'

Seagulls at a drive through - just ordering fries.

Soup of the month.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

To do before Saturday...

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

'Is this still America?'