Gallery-goer With Pets Pillows

Art Pets

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'Projectile painting.'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"Labradoodle"

Private Viewing

Artists Cats

Francoise Gilot

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"It's a great work!"

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Understanding art.

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

"It's my latest work...I only vomited it this morning."

"Is this 'pollocks'."

Tracey Emin's Bed

"This was his real breakthrough piece."

Exhibition for Prisoners

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'The artist did this one during his 'I've got no idea' - period.'

"Now that's art!"

Kid see shadow from mom as mom see shadow in painting.

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

The Big Picture

'I'm not cut out for this job' (Matisse sketch to cut out paper model)

'It's from his, ‘Hey, my kid could do better than that' period.'

'Note his bold brush strokes, Fred...'

'Imagine the damage he could have done as a corporate accountant...'

'I wonder if he faked it?'