Galactic Giggle Seeker Pillows

"I'm sorry John you just can't name the planet 'Urectum'."

Clown God

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'The doctors and nurses all said he was the heaviest newborn they'd ever seen.'

"Okay...let's concentrate on discussing strategy during halftime."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

Bishop has his robes stuck in his pants.

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Felix suddenly remembers what the string on his finger is a reminder of.

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

Easter Island Secret

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

Toilet humour

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

Want to hear a secret? Every time they put a nut in my mouth, I give it a little lick.

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"What would you serve with toast?"

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"Stand-up comedy." "On-your-knees-with-gas-pain comedy." "Please, God, make it stop..."

Octopus gets tickled pink

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Goose gaggle giggle: 'Tee hee! Tee Hee!...'

Black Hole Corks

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'Whoops!'

'He's a gassy baby.'

Still living with parents....

'He's here to hit the high notes.'

Chiropractor jokes.