Gag Gift Connoisseur Gifts

'Completely Useless Tools: An inflatable hammer.'

Secular Cloisters

'He stubbed-my-toe yell sounds a lot like his chest-pounding victory yell.'

"Great! Six months training and he gets knocked out by a *!@?!@ microphone!!"

How do I know it's yours?

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Lavatory Waterfall

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"You must see someone about your problem."

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

The Fart Side