Gag Gift Collectors Gifts

Let me ask you a man-to-man question, Randy, asterisk. Shoot. Let's say you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you notice your first gray hair. Would it be manlier to immediately pluck it out and pretend it never happened, or would it be manlier to tell yourself it's actually blond? Armstrong, avoiding the truth is never manl ... wait ... "asterisk"? (Asterisk) By answering my question you enter into a binding non-disclosure agreement.

What's a polite and subtle way to let someone know his breath reeks? You could try the old "take out a piece of gum for yourself, and offer them one too." I invented that one back in nineteen and twenty-nine, when I offered a stick to old Jebediah Stinkman. Let me rephrase: What's a less subtle way to tell someone his breath reeks? You could try leaving a note.

'Great sermon, Reverend! -- If I ever want to find out more about sin, I sure know who to come to!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Bubble Gum Farms.

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Lavatory Waterfall

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

The magic of April Fools' morning.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

Paul McCartney, The Surgeon - "I want to hold your gland yeah, yeah, yeah..."

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'