Gadget-loving Spiritualist Gifts

'Everyone turn to psalm 23 on his or her e-reader.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

Cable Bill.

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

"The gods must be on-line tonight."

Holy phone

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Palm Top Readings

www.meditation.commm

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

The answers you seek are within yourself. But ok, the capitol of Bulgaria is Sofia. Zen Siri.

Binary meditation.

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my prayers now!"

Divine Cell

"I'm going on a retreat."

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."