Gadget Destroyer Pillows

"After 10 broken keyboards, I finally bought him one that's designed for someone who bangs on it when they're mad."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'Not that net!'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Google car."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Dog Walking Services

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'Can our software do that?'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Hiding the electronics.

That one has all the batteries!

I have an idea - Let's sit around the campfire and watch scary movies on our iPads!

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Crap from the future.

Early cyborg.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'