Gadget Critic Pillows

"Listen! Hear that? Nothing is beeping!"

'Our new app sells for $100 and detects intelligence. If a customer buys one, they don't have any.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

The Computer Bore

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Evolution.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Can our software do that?'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

Walking Luggage.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

e-shoes