Future Therapists Gifts

"They think I don't have a clue."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'We have three minutes left.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.