Future Therapist's Dream Gifts

'Mommy has made this astonishing cake just to get you to eat your peas and provide valuable insight for your therapist in twenty years.'

Licensed Therapist

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Has it ever occurred to you just to say, 'Hey, I quit. I don't want to be a part of the food chain anymore'?"

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'