Future Of Education Advocate Pillows

'You can be replaced by teaching software, you know!'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Common Core Family Therapy

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

Another shot heard round the world.

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

Gold versus Knowledge

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

Good writing is good thinking

'Man! I wish I'd finished college.'

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."