Future Funder Gifts

"We're interested in short term growth."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'Couldn't you just bring a bucket and spade like other children?'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

A child runs an equity stand.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like my allowance in bitcoins."

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

Education and Apprenticeships

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'Your future looks charming.'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

'I told you to not get Danny that Junior Carpenter set.'

No caption. (Adult pushes buttons at an ATM. Child pushes buttons at an "APBM" - and Automatic Piggy Bank Machine.)

'He's precocious.'

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

"Want to trade banks with me?"

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

'We're going to take a financial risk.'

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

'He's so spoilt, he has his pocket money paid into a Swiss bank account.'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

ABC. Uh-oh, here comes the penalty for early withdrawal.

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

"Tooth fairy funds may seem consistent, and birthday money stable, but you really need to consider diversification of your portfolio."

The Economy Discovers FFF!

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

Girl holding money.

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'