Future Father Of The Year Gifts

'Well, nurse, it was a bit daft putting me next to this mirror!'

"I miss the Augean stables."

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'Oooh, she has your eyes Horus.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"Six down, three to go!!"

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

"Did you want to know if the baby's a boy or a girl?"

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Just be proud we're the first father-son ice dancing team."

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

L'il Buckaroo.

Temptation.

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

Maternity Ward - door sign reads "Push, go on, push!"

'We need to start working more closely to try to improve these grades. Do you have my office number?'

Maternity. Which one is yours?

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

"Dad, I thought I told you not to dress like Justin Bieber when you pick me up from school!"

Doctor checking a man's testicle to find out about fertility problems.

'And the coolest dad of the year award goes to... Dr. Armstrong for his note, 'to whom it may concern, my son is allergic to homework'.'

A father pushes his baby on a swing

"Dad bods are so in right now."

"I'm married with five children." "Sorry, we're looking for someone with sound judgement!"

"Oh, but it's not okay for me to practices being a parent?"

"We're going to have a chipolata."

"Are we going yet?... Are we going yet?..."