Future Ex Gifts

Valentine Comix

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

'Sorry Henry, but I'm looking for something a little more permanent.'

'And do you, James, believe you deserved that beating Annie gave you for inviting your ex-girlfriend to the wedding.'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"So I gave her the 2-diamond love-and-BFFF ring and she grave me a big kiss, sold it, and went on a cruise. That's bad, right?!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"People Change"

'Don't take it the wrong way, we could always be friends'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Generation Ex.

'Your ex is calling. Her investment club bought 51 of the company, and you're fired!'

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"I'm sorry, Jon, but Henry's perfect. Not only does he make me laugh, he makes me omelets, and he makes me come."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'