Future Documentary Star Prints

"Here you acknowledge the fact that, by opting for cremation, you forfeit the option to be a cool skeleton in a documentary 20,000 years from now."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Police film evidence

Kirsten Johnson

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Crocodile

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

"Mom! Kathy's feeding her liver to the dog! Want to see the video?"

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

"What I did on my summer vacation and how I optioned it to Miramax..."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

A fly on the wall documentary.

Fahrenheit 911.

'I still say these shots need more action.'

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

Ernie is a documentary filmmaker who tells stories of folks in their professional lives -- I think he should wonk on his film titles more. One film looked at the surprisingly competitive cutthroat world of the dry cleaning business. "The Hanger Games." In another, we see astronomers traveling to remote locations to escape light pollution. "The Dark Night." Ernie showed us the bond among young butchers in an increasingly vegan world. "Stand by Meat"! And he told us the story of a man who i

"My report on summer vacation. . . Book and movie rights are available for $1000 each."

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'Coming up next...more of man's inhumanity to man...in hi-def.'

Michael Moore

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'