Future Diplomats Gifts

"When can we start calling each other names like they did in the political debates."

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"If we're a team, the manager should take the heat!"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

How's the boss today? Should I push his buttons or pull his chain?

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

Conflict Resolution Training - Cancelled Due To Disagreement Over Venue.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

'I take it this department has had conflicts.'

"The new boss might seem severe, but he won't bite your head off!"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"If you must know, like most cats I'm a registered Independent!"

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

'He pats my back, but I don't pat his.'

'Just tell him you're keeping your nose to the grindstone. Don't overdo it.'

Just Married

Two workers chatting by vending machine: 'Who are you working on at the moment?'

'While they always come back as unfounded, maybe you could prevent these allegations of sexual harassment by not telling people you like the cut of their jib.'

Avoiding bosses on stairs vs. elevator.

"The boss just stopped and squinted at me! Either I"m in big trouble or he's lost is glasses again."

'Shall we talk about your unacceptable behavior or shall we go directly to the penalty phase?'

'I don't like to be critical, but that's only because you don't take criticism well.'

'I do kiss up, but there's no tongue involved.'