Aspiring Diplomat Gifts

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

"Yeah - but maybe it's NOT a mirage..."

"If you must know, like most cats I'm a registered Independent!"

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

'Ok - I'm reaching out!'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

AUKUS Deal Annoys France

Set of scales with white family on one side and black people on the other.

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

Excess Baggage: If you can draw, you don't have to know the local language.

"I don't just want you to give me a raise, I want you to WANT to give me a raise."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'...And to faithfully execute the duties of Emperor of the United States of Newt...'

Permission to get to first base denied.

'Shall we talk about your unacceptable behavior or shall we go directly to the penalty phase?'

'May I speak to you as a man to a woman?'

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

"When can we start calling each other names like they did in the political debates."

Russian and Chinese Alliance.

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

'I could rule the world if it wasn't for my inferiority complex.'

Global issues

"Can I be completely honest tomorrow?"

Secret travel agent. Man in black says: 'I could tell you about budget city breaks, but then I'd have to kill you.'

Boy holding power doesn't want to share.

"I got acquainted with a new kid and now we understand each other."

"I'm not doing this if you're just coming keep disagreeing with me."

"I can speak with Billy now, Susan. While I'm thinking about it... order me another file cabinet."