Future Congressman Pillows

'I am disappointed there's nothing in the stimulus package about allowances - so I'm E-mailing our congressman.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Danae's spent all this week writing new amendments, which I can only assume means she doesn't know what it'll take to get them into the constitution...so I sent her a link on the process...'

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

Obama Yes We Can.

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'I've changed my mind...I want to grow up to be a politician.'

'Will this help me get into law school?'

Beware of the Legislation

'Let's play doctor - you be the patient, you be the surgeon, and I'll be the malpractice-attorney.'

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

"They heard about the 'Party Hearty' legislation."

The Boy Who Wanted To Be A Lawyer - "Father Desmond, we need an exorcism."

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

Caution Bullet Ahead

"A reconciliation bill? -- I've been in Congress for 37 years, and I've never reconciled anything!"

'An internship is pretty much the only way to get your foot in the door these days...'

'When I'm old enough to vote, I'm going to select Santa Claus as a write-in candidate.'

'Stick a few upper-class tax cuts to it and it'll pass like a bran muffin dipped in vaseline.'