Future Con Artist Gifts

'Next time I steal a car, I better check if the battery is inside...'

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"That' a wonderful picture, sweetheart. You know, maybe we should keep all of this garbage, in case you become a famous artist."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

Office Politics Superstore.

"I haven't been in a playpen yet that could hold me."

"When I grow up, I want to be a Presidential impersonator on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

"I plan to retire when bank robbery becomes legal!"

'I can't play. I'm going 'Time Out Chair' shopping with my mom.'

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

"We did our best to convince them, now it's up to how gullible they are."

"This is your second cousin Armando. He was an artist."

"You should learn how to play the guitar. It'll give you something to fall back on."

'Remember, never let adults know summer vacation can sometimes be boring or they may make it shorter.'

Melted Snowmen for Sale.

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

Edvard Munch

'Yes, dad, I mis-spoke my math grade, covered-up my reprimand from the dean, and cheated on an English quiz, but I'm getting an A in political science.'

Budget Cryogenics

'You are being completely duped by a stranger! She says she can foretell your future, but she is just a con artist...'

'It's just a first draft.'