Futility Philosopher Pillows

"I've half a mind to protest."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Business Sisyphus

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'You know creativity involves a high tolerance for failure, don't you?'

The Best Laid Plans

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

Man with t-shirt: 'I think, therefore I don't vote'

"Sometimes it's good to just pause and reflect on how obscenely rich we are."

"I want to tell her I love her and let her know I'm careful with money."

First Attempts: Wright Brothers. Hair-plane.

'If fate had been kinder, either of us might be living in the White House.'

"I think once Qadyn is exposed to other 7-year-old nihilists, he’ll really start to blossom."

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

'My website? Oh, it was a bit of a one hit wonder.'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

'Success is buying your experience cheap...And selling at a profit.'

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."

Live, Love, Laugh, Loathe.

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

'I believe in kizmet and it is our destiny to be friends for life.'

'I'm not paying $200 per hour for therapy, so you must be the one who's nuts.'

When they said more people were choosing to holiday at home I think they meant in the UK

"So using all those brown coffee filters literally bought me nothing?"

"I've been voting for the lesser of two evils for decades now, and yet the country still seems to be self-destructing in slow motion."

'I am willing to fail... as long as it's not my fault.'