Fury Humorist Pillows

Anger Management Seminar.

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Worries of the first single cell organism. Should I divide? Maybe I won't like my other self! Maybe it won't like me! Two might be nice company. Three, though, that could be crowded.

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Meowlzebub

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Fire door.

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

Basketball injuries.

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

High tide.

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

Superhero with Acrophobia

Music Quiz

'Relax, teamwork always leads to a slam dunk.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'And remember, lady, down here the toilet seat stays up!'

Preserved head and mobile phone.

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"Who's showing remorse now that it's time for sentencing? Huh? Who's remorseful now? Who was soooo bad?"

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

Wade 'Gator' Ruben, Tax Attorney

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

On the planet Clowny, they are afraid of us.

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'