Fury Humorist Pillows

Anger Management Seminar.

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Meowlzebub

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Fire door.

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

Basketball injuries.

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

High tide.

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Superhero with Acrophobia

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Relax, teamwork always leads to a slam dunk.'

Music Quiz

'And remember, lady, down here the toilet seat stays up!'

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

"Who's showing remorse now that it's time for sentencing? Huh? Who's remorseful now? Who was soooo bad?"

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'I can't afford those prices so would you call me when France goes broke and devalues its currency?'

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

Wade 'Gator' Ruben, Tax Attorney

On the planet Clowny, they are afraid of us.

Missile attending a 'Fear of flying course'