Furnishing Pillows

Coming home to an empty apartment made him realize just how much he needed stuff.

Santa checking out sleigh beds.

"I've been researching a little furniture company that I'd like to rearrange."

"Don't get the wrong idea, but I think I should tell you that all my furnishings are from Ikea."

'I tell you what, it's much more comfortable with a cushion...'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

Interior design trends for parents....

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

"The knights of the round accent table"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

"Surprise!"

Fittd shēt

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

Lay-Z-Family Recliner

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."