Funnybone Finders Pillows

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'If 'x' is unknown, why should I rock the boat?'

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Movers and shakers.

'I'm afraid it's mad cow disease.'

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

tax

"For Feng Shui I'd like to move your liver above your lungs.''

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Dave soon realised it was going to be a tough gig.

"If at first you don't succeed, give up skydiving."

Policeman to driver; 'You gotta be kidding. Your name is actually Anna Nicole Smith?'

"Get names!"

"Sadly, we're seeing more and more of this as we encroach on their natural habitat."

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

'They must be trash fish!'

"OMG! They're eating noses!"

"I lost 5 pounds and you didn't even notice!"

'Miss Mckinley, do you have a penny? My desk is wobbly.'

'Don't be frightened, he's only been 'n' gone 'n' done his back in again.'