Funny Family Negotiator Pillows

"And, Dad, for the mere price of a pony I can offer you free unlimited in home tech support."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

"It's a deal, I trade you two of your lunchroom duties if you take my field trip duty?"

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

'If you let me read the SPORTS section, I just may consider moving.'

"You call it training, I call it an apprenticeship. Now pay up."

"You tell me where you hid the remote and I'll tell you where I hid your phone."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

Surface Tension

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'