Funny Comics Gifts

The best place for a dartboard is not beside an open window.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'Buddy, I'll get stinking rich... yesterday, I took out an insurance against pneumonia!'

'You wish, Timmy.'

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

"I'll admit that I did run out of the shop without playing for the shoes, but they were supposed to be the world's fastest running trainers...."

"We're insectivores. Spiders are arachnids. We don't eat them, and that's that."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

'Jurassic Pork.'

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

Dog training

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Chippunks

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'

'Do you have any denture friendly sandwiches?'

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Doggie Bowl Drill

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"