Funny Comics Gifts

The best place for a dartboard is not beside an open window.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'Buddy, I'll get stinking rich... yesterday, I took out an insurance against pneumonia!'

'You wish, Timmy.'

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

"I'll admit that I did run out of the shop without playing for the shoes, but they were supposed to be the world's fastest running trainers...."

"We're insectivores. Spiders are arachnids. We don't eat them, and that's that."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

Sleepwalker on treadmill

'Jurassic Pork.'

The only time cats are known to laugh.

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

"We're freaky February hares, the mad march ones have vanished due to global warming."

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Jim Carrey,

Dog training

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

John Cleese.

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

Chippunks

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

Spike Milligan

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'

'Do you have any denture friendly sandwiches?'

"Any kids here tonight? Oh, wait... I guess not...since I didn't see any on the menu."

Woody Allen